The Worst Death You Could EVER Imagine

Farewell little one, farewell…

***

Ken and I were in the kitchen, trying to decide what we were going to eat, when I saw it. There was a despicable little black fly, giving me the finger and mocking me from our marble-like kitchen countertop. I quickly pointed out the tiny bugger to Ken, and handed him a dishcloth (the usual way Ken kills flies – quickly and almost painlessly). However, tonight was different. With his swatter-like hand, he attempted catch the fly, swiping the air, back and forth, strategically moving around the kitchen. It would constantly disappear and reappear, again and again. Then he spotted it, right beside our pearly white refrigerator. With one foul swoop, he swung his hand before the fridge, turned around, and sucked on the open end of his fist (like he usually does as a joke)…and then his face turned pale green.

He madly started to cough. Of course, I though he was kidding, as usual…but as he lifted his head to face me, I realized that that wasn’t the case.

“Oh Jess…I think I ate it.”

“Stop it Ken. I know you’re joking. You always are.”

“No. Seriously. I ate the fly. I can feel it moving down my throat right now.”

He tried kiss me, pulling me closer and closer. My fear that he actually ate one eventually got to me and I used all of my Korean strength and force to pull away from him. He let me go and I was finally convinced that he actually ate the fly.

What an atrociously horrible and terrifying way to die. Being caught mid-flight in the air, squeezed with insurmountable force, sucked through a dark tunnel, being found in a slimy wet environment, and being swallowed. To make things worse, concluding your death by being slowly burned alive in hydrochloric acid.

Rest in peace, little bugger. R.I.P.

- Jess